[

mood

|

blah

]

Ok, so I seriously think there should be a "Procrastinator's Anonymous" club where I could go and say "Hello, my name is Marina, and I'm a procrastinator!" Yes, I admit it, I have officially become a procrastinator. I'm truly hoping this is a temporary phase as I've never ever had this happen to me... and I do hope it wasn't a certain someone (you know who you are! :P Lol, I still love you hun! ;)) who rubbed off on me!

Seriously though, has anyone ever had a time when you know you've got tons of things to do, and yet you put them off for as long as you can! Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that it's the end of the year and I'm exhausted beyond words! Or perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I just got addicted to facebook.com, don't even know why exactly! 

I suppose the first step to fixing this is admitting that I have a problem! ;) I have recently read an article on procrastination in my psychology magazine, and they talked about the fact that procrastinators' problem is not that they don't have time management skills, but rather that they underestimate how long it would take them to do something. Yet, I can't help but think: can one be both a perfectionist AND a procrastinator??? I mean, I tend to be a perfectionist and yet here I am wasting my time procrastinating and writing about it (!) when I should be finishing up my poster presentation for Friday and doing my write ups for 2 more papers!

In the end, I KNOW I will have an anxiety attack if I wait till the last minute to do something. Solution: I plan to sit down and FOCUS and do my work NOW! No no, I'm not just writing that, I shall get to work... just as soon as I finish writing this! Right, so back to work for me!...

[

mood

|

happy

]

So today I come home from my 2 jobs, and, as usual, I head for my mail box to see if I had gotten any responses from any of the universities I've applied to for graduate school... and today I did get one small envelope addressed from U of Saskatchewan, with which I had an interview and was actually awaiting their response this week. I was so nervous, it being a small envelope above all things! In any case, I get home, go to my room, and probably sat holding the envelop in my shaking hands for about 10 min or so! I couldn't find the courage to open it, my heart almost leaped out of me when I finally decided to open it up... and when I saw the letters "We are pleased to accept..." and "CONGRATULATIONS!" written in the letter I was finally able to breathe a sigh of relief and then again I couldn't breathe because of how excited I had gotten! I literally jumped up and down and danced all around the house telling everyone that I got in I got in I got in!!!!! I was so very nervous and scared that I won't get accepted, since it is so very competitive, and out of 100s of people who applied, only about 6-8 are admitted each year (if not less), and I am so thankful I was one of these individuals! I suppose luck was on my side! :)

I have time to respond whether I want to go there or not (deadline is April 15th), so I want to see where else I get in (if anywhere), since if I do end up going to Saskatchewan then a lot of things would have to change... though it would definitely be an exciting opportunity, and I'd be working with a great prof (I've talked to her and she's just wonderful and quite prestigious with her research, she worked in the states as well) and working on this girlhood aggression project in collaboration with South Africa, where I'd actually go to South Africa for a year to do research (data collection) there! Needless to say, I'm sooo very very very excited! I just kept thinking to myself "My dream is finally going to come true! My hard work has paid off! I will become a psychologist!!!!" 

I really can't find any other words to express what I'm feeling right now, just that I'm beyond happy, and since I've only found out an hour ago I am still quite in a different mode to reflect upon this whole experience. So I suppose I shall just end by saying that dreams do come true, mine just did!!! Everything is so perfect today that I don't see what could add to my life to make it more perfect! I'm so very very fortunate and lucky with this as well as my family, friends, and Jeff! Thank you to everyone who has supported me throughout thick and thin and who have helped make this dream a reality!!! :)

So I have a need to rant right now! So here goes...

So I had this group project for my counselling psychology class, it consisted of myself and three other group members, 2 of which were totally fine but one of which was a big let down! She never seemed to care about our group meetings and would either come late for them, leave early, or make an excuse not to show up all together. Then when we set up deadlines she never really bothered to get her stuff done, and basically didn't get anything done until the last minute of the day of the presentation! Talk about stress!!!!  So she basically brought our presentation down since she not only was unprepared but also she talked about unnecessary material during the presentation.

Anyway, so not to dwell on those details... I get our group mark today, I repeat, group mark! And we didn't do as well as I wanted... even though I put a LOT of work into the presentation and expected to see results... anyway, needless to say I was disappointed in the grade, even though I know it's not that bad... but to add to the whole thing, even though we told our prof about this girl and how she didn't put her share of work into the presentation and that's why we might not have done so well, she got the exact same mark as us! I mean, I know I shouldn't be so upset since it doesn't really matter now and I can't do much about it, but I really feel that she doesn't deserve the same mark as the others, I feel like she didn't even put a quarter of the effort and work that I put in for this presentation. Oh, and when we confronted this girl after our class ended (I did the talking and explained to her how we all felt about her work ethics in a very nice and rational way), she didn't even say she was sorry, she kept defending herself, saying that she did the work, and when I explained to her that it would have been good if she had prepared it earlier so we could have organized our material better and see what was necessary or not, she was just like "well, if you want a better mark you could talk to the prof and ask him to give you a better grade, I don't mind." I don't know if she was upset about it, but she really didn't show any remorse.

I guess the moral of the story here is... or rather the bottom line... life is unfair, and one just has to learn to deal with it! *Sigh*... I just talked to one of my group members and he is pretty happy with our results and is not stressing about the outcome in the least. He says that in the long run I won't even remember this girl and it doesn't really matter, what matters is the knowledge we get out of our classes, and my final grade will be an A despite this, so I shouldn't worry so much. I know he's right, I just wish I could feel it too! Ah well, time shall help I suppose. I guess I'm still not quite accustomed to the whole "life is unfair" concept, even though time and time again I've been shown so.

Lots of other stuff have been happening these days, but I have best get to bed since it's almost 1am and I'm getting pretty tired... oh, did I mention the mailbox and I are quite close these days? Come rain or snow or storm or any other imaginable weather condition, I check my mailbox every single day for any grad school responses, every time walking to the mailbox and thinking that today could be my best or worst or whatever day! ;) I guess time will tell! :)

Imagine: You’re out for a walk, completely relaxed, your mind is pleasantly clear of any other thought than the external natural beauty around you. Then, all of a sudden, the solution to a particular problem that you’ve been trying to solve for a while just pops into your head! Eureka! Now you can’t comprehend why you didn’t think of it before!

In moments like these, you have made contact with the “creative spirit.” Taking a “Science & Creativity” class in my undergraduate years has provided me with the answer as to why I didn’t think of the solution to the problem before, when, now, it has become so apparent! Creativity is a process, not an instant eureka moment; we work towards that moment! We break the problem down, analyze, and then, eventually, the solution may come to us so suddenly that we think of it as an effortless achievement, yet, it is something that we have thought about for a while and only now do we reach that exciting, triumphant objective! Yet, is creativity the only element that constitutes to being a genius? Ought there be some other aspects that are found in people talented enough to be proclaimed geniuses?

One of the associations people often make with geniuses is madness. Looking at a few geniuses that come to mind ( i.e. Dali, Van Gogh, Nietzsche), these individuals have become disturbed, and yet they nonetheless created creative works! The question is, though, whether these individuals are creative because they are mad or whether they are mad because they are creative?

There are some, the likes of Tomas Szasz and Foucault, who believe that "madness" is merely a label that our society has created to imprison its visionaries; after all, creative people can be dangerous to the bureacratic control! Whether it's true or not is, of course, debatable, but as scientific studies have found, while there does seem to be a link between creativity and madness, it is mainly for individuals in the arts, there is much less evidence for this connection in scientific achievements. Though these fields may be at polar opposities, as science requires more concrete and different kind of thinking than the arts, creative thought in general, as far as I know, involves looking at things from new and surprising perspectives and requires courage and determination! While I surely don't claim to be a genius, I have noticed that I came up with the most original and unique ideas and thinking when I didn't have too much core knowledge in the subject area; I didn't have a particular way of thinking and, hence, my creativity was not restrained! The reason for this seems obvious to me now, it is because most of us have formed definite neural pathways of thought; we use habitual ways of thinking. As such, we don't really have much flexibility within our thoughts to think differently than from what we are used to.

One of the key questions in this idea of a 'genius,' is whether geniuses are like any other average person but just have the determination and willingness to think differently, or whether geniuses are indeed qualitatively different! The other day I read about a teenage boy, Gregory Smith, who went to high school at age seven and now, at fourteen, is working on a PhD in mathematics at the University of Virginia and is so ambitious that he wants to earn four PhDs and become president of the US...yet, despite it all, he insists that he's not that different from most other fourteen year olds! Now one might find that idea just ridiculous since he's so obviously different from any other teenage boy at fourteen, but, at the same time, maybe he's not so different after all, maybe he just has the determination to think on a clean slate, so to speak.

I believe that each one of us has the potential to be a creative person, yet we are trained to think in a certain way! Schools like Montessori, for instance, emphasize a rigid framework, leaving little room for creativity to take place. Hence, our creative potential may be virtually shut down by our early schooling! Now that's a real irony, particularly when our schooling is supposed to be doing the opposite of that!

The other possible reason that many of us don't take advantage of our potential creativity is because of the myths present in our society about creativity. Myths have great power in shaping our everyday behavior! Back when people believed the world was flat, for instance, they were unlikely to venture out to sea very far, and, hence, many lands remained undiscovered. Thusly, myths keep most people firmly shore bound when it comes to creativity. We tend to think that there are only a few lucky bunch who can be creative, mostly artists; creativity is rare, mysterious, magical, divine, we're told.

In truth, people who are really serious and determined to explore their creative side develop and practice various ways of capturing new ideas. Artists carry sketchpads, writers carry notepads (or pocket computers nowadays ;)). Salvador Dali, for instance, the great surrealist, actually used to get ideas for his paintings from a semi-sleep state. What he would do is lie on a sofa and hold a spoon in one hand, balancing it on the edge of a glass placed on the floor. Then, just as he’d drift off to sleep, he would release the spoon and the sound of the spoon hitting the glass would, naturally, awaken him. Immediately, he’d sketch the bizarre images he was seeing in his half-asleep state. Anyone can do this, after all, we all have bizarre images just before we fall asleep, but Dali simply developed a way to hold onto these images. And that’s creativity!

Aside from learning to hold onto creative ideas, another way each one of us can develop their creativity is by attempting to solve questions that don’t really have clear solutions, ones that would actually frustrate and confuse anyone, yet, these precise questions are the ones that would stimulate creativity! Challenging problems such as “Aging is a real drag. Eliminate it” and “You have 24 hours in which to bring about world peace. How do you do it?” would constitute these types of extremely frustrating thinking. While one shouldn’t expect to find a real solution to these types of problems, one will surely stimulate a lot of interesting, and I dare say creative (!), ideas. These feelings of frustration are precisely what great poets, composers, and inventors who are considered to have been the most creative and revolutionary of their times felt. As such, it seems that failure is not something to fear; rather, it appears to be a great wellspring for creativity!

While there are various ways to stimulate our creativity, the necessary and sufficient condition is to believe in oneself; to have the determination and faith that one is capable of coming up with an original idea which would constitute creativity! One’s imagination is only able to roam free when one allows it to!

[	mood	|	happy	]
[	music	|	Bernie Williams - Just Because	]

Happy New Year everyone!

Wow, I can't believe it is 2006 already! Time runs by fast, and things change in a flash! I'm in such a different place now from where I was a year ago! I suppose that's only natural, and one does not notice the changes quite so much as when they reflect on their year!

I do hope everyone spent the New Year's celebration well! I know many of us tend to make a huge deal out of the New Year celebration, but really it is just an excuse to get together and have fun with friends. :) I had the best New Year's celebration, $ excluded of course! I went down to this Italian restaurant called "La Vecchia," it was a nice place, but pretty pricey! Ah well, I think we should all spoil ourselves once in a while, particularly on special days such as New Year's. :) And then after dinner I went down to one of my best friend's house get together, it was just a few couples, very intimate, but very nice to spend New Year's with close friends and, of course, with my wonderful boyfriend! ;) Hehe, and we ended the night by watching "The Wedding Crashers," quite a funny movie, and a good waker-upper! :P

Alright, that is all, I shall get back to my applications because I've been slacking off much too much this holiday season! Ciao everyone and may I wish everyone a happy, healthy New Year! :)

Well, I just got 2 of my wisdom teeth out, and 2 more to go in January! I'm so glad that's done and over with! Gosh, was it ever a scary experience! Everyone kept frightening me about it, I think that's what mainly got me scared... some people (i.e. Matthew!) putting really fearsome images into my mind... well, though it's a bit unorthodox, I brought along a blind fold and my CD player (played Mamma Mia all the way through)... so that helped a bit since I didn't have to see anybody drilling into my mouth or hear the noises.

So now it wasn't so bad, though I didn't go under the sleep, just got my mouth frozen so I wouldn't feel anything (the needle hurt like heck!). Well, because I wasn't asleep, I literally felt my teeth being cracked and disjointed from my mouth... it was such a weird experience let me just say! It was like somebody removing a body piece or something, though teeth are not exactly body pieces. And now while I'm writing this I'm still bleeding, I do hope it stops soon, at least the swelling is not so bad, though I don't exactly look myself at the moment.

Oh, and then, after the ordeal was over and done with, the oral surgeon goes to me "would you like to see your teeth?" I was like "Oh no, no thank you!" But he didn't quite give up that easily, he thought it was weird that I didn't want to see my teeth, he was like "Oh c'mon, they're nice." I was like "Thanks, but I think I'll pass!" Sheesh, I'm so glad I'm done with this and just 2 more to go on Jan 20th, then I'll truly be free!!!

Ok, back to work for me, so glad the holidays are almost here, always such a jolly and swell time of year! :)

[	mood	|	happy	]
[	music	|	When you believe - Mariah Carey	]

Oh wow, I have been neglecting my LJ these days! But, alas, being swamped with school work, countless applications to fill out, as well as other things going on in my life has been keeping me pretty busy to say the least, so I do have a valid excuse! :)

So this past Wednesday I mailed my very first graduate school application to the University of Toronto's OISE clinical psychology program! One less to go, and I've got to say I actually did feel a sense of relief after mailing out the application package! I put a lot of work into it and I do hope it will be a successful application, but, regardless, I am proud of myself for putting in the effort and, like I always say, your chances increase if you apply! :) I had mailed the application on Dec. 28th (Monday) through express mail (it was due Dec. 1st), and my only concern now is that the tracking number that I've been checking on Canada Post is showing an undelivered status! I plan to call U of T on Monday, but I do hope that seeing how it had to get to a location within Toronto and the fact that I sent it out a few days prior would have been sufficient enough for the application package to get there alright. I suppose it's just one more thing that I'm trying not to stress about now! Actually, I have surprisingly not been as stressed as I would have been normally, I suppose it is the positive support that I've been getting in my life as well as my realization that I would break down if I don't mitigate my anxiety. See, now I'm realizing I'm applying my research interests in social support, relationships, and cognitions, on myself! :)

In other news, I was doing data collection (on dating and break ups) with my research team at a really troubled high school this past Thursday and Friday and it was quite disturbing and saddening to find that 30% of the children at this school needed some sort of intervention (we refer them to the school guidance counsellor) in regards to aggression or/and depression. What was interesting is that these children, compared to all of the other schools I've been to, behaved perfectly; not once did anyone had to tell them to keep quiet. Yet, appearances are deceiving, since these children are greatly troubled, 30% (compared to the 5% we get at all of the other schools with larger samples!) is a great proportion! Thusly, I have come to the realization that if this psychologist thing doesn't quite work out I'd be quite happy to become a school guidance counsellor and try to help these children who may be growing up in bad neighborhoods and who may not have the social support that they need to develop in a healthy way. That would be quite a rewarding experience, I think.

Ah yes, one more thing before I end this brief update, I've found one of the best websites I've ever seen! If you're a music fan like me you'd love it! Check out www.pandora.com! This radio station basically personalizes itself to your taste and plays music that only you like! :) I love it! Yay! :)

Well, that's all for now, feeling quite accomplished from all the work I did today, I think I'll go treat myself to some sleep now! :)